When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a family, naming my children, and loving them. However, I thought that I would never be able to carry my own children. I was run over by a car at the age of two. My pelvis was crushed. I have arthritis and scoliosis due to this injury.
Two years ago my mentor looked at me at a Bible study and asked me if I wanted to have children. I immediately began crying. The women at the Bible study all began praying that I would have my own children. It was as if locked away part of me was opened and freed. Hope was restored.
Both of my grandmothers had at least 7 children. My mother had 2 children. I didn’t really consider that I would have problems having children. I thought it would be easy despite my back injuries. However, that was not my case.
By 30 years old and 2 years from being given the hope of having a child, I had never once been pregnant. When I went to the doctor and found out that I am the reason that we hadn’t had children, reality hit me. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome.) It hurts to know that one of the things that as a woman I should be able to do, I hadn't.
Everyone questioned me about children until I was open about my infertility on social media. There is pain in being disappointed every month. I could not possibly count the amount of negative tests that were taken. The amount of tears shed could've filled an ocean. I had spent countless hours pouring over the internet at every little symptom with hope. Your hormones lie to you when you have the issues I have. While being excited for others about every story of a pregnancy, there was a twinge of pain and the thought of “what about me?” I have honestly had to deal with anger that resulted from hearing about teenagers in high school getting pregnant or from hearing of abused children.
My husband and I spent time walking down the foster care journey. However, the timing has not been right. Many have said that the timing has not been right for our baby and God’s timing is perfect. This is true, but it does not heal the pain.
The day I turned 30, I subconsciously closed my heart again to having children. It was as if a time clock had gone off in my heart. I closed that door so that it would not hurt anymore. I accepted my barreness. I questioned if God even trusted me with that gift.
“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!” Ps. 127:3-5
But the women around me never stopped praying for us to have a child. I am thankful for their faith to carry on when mine was weak. I never gave up my faith in God and His ability. I just questioned if He would choose to give us that gift. I am still walking out of a two-year healing journey, and I strive to make healthier choices. God has lead me and guided me to find the right medications, herbs, and superfoods along the way.
On April 23rd, we finally had the answer to our prayers and cries. I seriously ran around the yard and all in the house. "My heart rejoices in the Lord;" 1 Samuel 2:1.
We are so thankful for this gift and do not take this responsibility lightly. I know that my calling is devoted to God and my family above any other. My goal is to "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
I share my story in hope that it will give another mother-in-waiting hope. I pray as I share my miracle, it will pave the way for other miracles. "For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37
"You are my hope, O Lord God, You are my trust from my youth." Psalm 17:5
