Life is messy. Add kids and life becomes exponentially messier. Add a disorder to the mix and that’s interestingly messy. Multiple that by two, and life’s interestingly, exponentially messy. I am thankful that even in the biggest messes of our lives God is there.
Our oldest child has always been different; we could tell as early as 10 months. By the time she was walking and talking, she had a high pain tolerance, her own language, food aversions, early signs of OCD, and was lacking basic social skills. She was a very intelligent child and we didn’t know a thing about what we were facing. It wasn’t until she was 4 years old that God brought an exceptional teacher into our lives who was able to point us in the right direction. Some might say it was chance, but I know that it was God’s choice for her to get into that school. This new direction brought us to a diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder.
At this point, our third child had just been born, and life was overwhelming on the good days. This new diagnosis plunged us into an unknown world that seemed so foreign yet so familiar at the same time. There was much to learn, but everything we were experiencing started making sense. God was in it, but I was still worried. Terrified to be honest. What would people think? How would people treat her? Would it always be this hard? Will we do what’s best for her?
But, I never questioned why. I know God better than that.
At this time, I was finding so many answers and diving in to take care of business. In the process, I recognized that our middle child, who was two, was actually displaying a lot of autism characteristics. Almost completely different symptoms from those of her sister. That’s how it works: each individual is totally unique in this condition. So here we go, round two. Two siblings with autism is unusual, but two sisters with autism, that’s rare. However, God was still there and I was a little less worried this time.
All of a sudden, baby boy is 9 months old and he stops babbling as much. He starts refusing certain foods and bangs his head when he’s upset. My immediate thought is "Oh wow, again?! How are we going to make it? Will we ever experience raising a typical child?" I talked to three of our specialists, and they each suggested that I just monitor him and try not to worry. Yeah, right! Three kids with autism? Who wouldn’t worry?? But, I made up my mind that God had been with us this far, and if we were to do this a third time, He would be there, too.
It wasn’t long until our son started displaying completely typical traits. Now he’s a 2.5 year old, neurotypical man-child with his own set of challenges for mommy and daddy. The girls are both doing well and now both in school and both experience progression and even slight regression at times. They’ve gone from neither communicating properly to even our oldest being saved by His grace earlier this year. The Lord continues to put people in our path at just the right time, over and over again.
I’ll tell you, it’s not all sunshine and roses. There are some that want to place blame and point fingers at the cause, but God was there when He formed them in the womb. Success and failure are neither strangers in our house. After you learn to accept it yourself and move forward, there will still be people that won’t go with you, but God will. There are days that are bad, really bad; God is, indeed, still there. There are periods of time that are good and you take for granted that God is there. There are times I find myself totally disqualified as a mother, much less a special needs mom. Then there are days I can feel God working through me, and I know I’m doing exactly what I should be doing.
We are some of the fortunate ones; our girls’ autism isn’t really severe. There are 3 levels of severity in Autism Spectrum Disorder: Level one being highest functioning and Level 3 being those severely affected. One of our girls is in the first level and the other is in the second level. Communication is their biggest obstacle. We have hope of complete independence for all 3 children one day.
One of the biggest blessings coming from this situation is not just the precious, unique, happy, brilliant, loving individuals that our children are, it’s that God gave me the courage to share our story with others--something that I didn’t do for the first year out of fear. Opening up about the struggles, victories, heartaches, and blessings has yielded more good than I could have ever imagined. I learned "why" without even asking. I learned that there are so many others living in the same world who feel alone and shouldn’t. I learned that there are people eager to learn, to do, to love, even when they aren’t directly effected by autism. It has given me more purpose. It has taught me compassion. It has shown me more of God’s glory. It has shown me that in EVERY moment, especially the messy ones, God is there.
