I think it was Heath's third Father's Day when Isaac had just turned two that we realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. Sunday mornings are hard anyways. Throw a toddler in the mix, and it's like trying to stuff a T-rex into a minivan. Things get complicated. Both of our attitudes had flared up that morning. I can't even remember what Isaac did to create the firestorm, but what still lingers in my mind is the level of guilt we felt as we drove to church that morning. After all, it was Father's Day, and the day had started out so badly.
Since then, we've had many more of those Sunday mornings...and Tuesday nights and Saturday afternoons. I can't possibly count how many times I've stared at the ceiling at night, thinking, "It's not supposed to be this way. Everybody else makes this look so easy. Everyone else knows something I don't."
Suddenly, I started realizing what had become of me. I had placed a tremendous burden on my child. Suddenly, his behavior, health, intelligence, patience, what he ate, how I birthed him, how we raised him...it was all a measurement of my worth as a mother. It was all a measurement of how much I loved him. I had made him a representation of myself. What a load to carry for a child of two!
The devil celebrated that day because he had found a way to get through to me.
Moms, I see you where you're at. I know you're tired and exhausted, wondering if the piles of laundry and loads of dishes will ever end. I know you feel overwhelmed. I know there are times when you wonder if you were cut out for this thing called motherhood. I know you stress over the future of your children. I know your heart cries out to God on a regular basis just wondering if you're doing this right, if you made the right choice, if you're doing the right thing. I know there are times when the devil tries to make you question everything you used to know to be true. I know there are times when you feel so low, you don't know if you'll ever make it through. I know you find yourself taking things out on special people just because you've held it in all day. I know that you are trying to figure out who you are as a woman now, not just a wife and mom. I know you ask God "why" on a regular basis. I know you put on a brave face. I see you.
But, mama, as hard as it is to comprehend, we weren't designed to have it all together. In fact, God desires us to need and crave his discipline that refines us, his mercy that forgives us, and his grace that protects us. Just because we are believers doesn't mean we are free from pain. Think about the Bible for a second. Was Ruth free of hardship? What about Joseph and Abraham? If God used regular, ordinary people to illustrate the most precious book in the world, he can use us. He's using us right this very moment. First Peter 2: 20-21 says: "...but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:" If our lives were perfect, if we never went through any trials and tests, how could his grace and mercy manifest themselves within us? How could our faith emerge, giving us strength and a will to continue on? How would we project to the world that Jesus's blood actually does give us peace and sets us free from mental condemnation?
My prayer for us today is that we learn to give ourselves grace just as Jesus has shown us grace. Our children need us because they need God. We are all born into this world with an innate desire to please ourselves, and lofty expectations of perfection will only lay the ground work for anger and frustration, denial and despair. And just as our children aren't born perfect, we will never reach this perfect level of motherhood that we might dream about. Only Jesus's blood and his gift of grace can set us free. This is the only expectation we can expect to be fulfilled. This is the only free and perfect thing ever created.
You're doing a good job, mama. Don't ever give up.
"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." James 1:2-3
If that's flour Dallas the same thing on March 23th 1999. I was cooking breakfast and had left the flour to make gravy to go with the biscuits.Dallas running around playing. I heard him say "oh no!" I turned at first I was angry/frustrated then a calmness come and I couldn't get to my Polaroid fast enough. �� I instantly had my Kodak moment. It took a while to clean up that 5lb bag of flour that I had just open using just enough to make four biscuits. While finished cooking Dallas sat content playing with the flour as if it was snow.
ReplyDeleteHaha...No, it's baby powder! Needless to say, I never used the stuff again after this episode. :)
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