"It's a phase," I told myself. No. It's a zoo.
The moments when my babies are out of the loop are some of the purest, rawest, most childlike moments of my life. When I'm standing there desperate, when my heart is an open wound, feeling pulled in all directions, and the cries and screams of my children and the insurmountable lists of to-dos are the salt, those are the moments when I wonder, who is the real child here?
I'm too weak for this. Too unworthy for this kind of work, Lord.
"What do you want? Please...just use your words. Tell me what you want!" I didn't understand my daughter's jumbled cries, her fit of rage, so I exercised my authority with another shout.
She tugged on my dress, stomped her feet, and dissolved into a fit of tears.
Breathe. I'm too weak for this. Too unworthy for this kind of work, Lord.
Hold me. She reached her little arms up, pleading with her eyes.
"Do you want me to hold you?" I picked her up and she nestled into my neck. Suddenly, the world made sense. Hold me.
In her embrace, a thousand words and feelings dripped into my heart like droplets of rain on a dry, summer day.
"Why didn't you just say 'Hold me, Mama.'? Why didn't you just tell me?"
Words were no longer necessary.
My parched soul, oblivious of what my daughter needed in that moment, clung to my little girl and reminded me that I needed to be held, too...that I needed to stop and let the Holy Spirit work in me a new heart, a new attitude, a new hope, and a new perspective--not just on Sunday morning. Sometimes the kitchen floor will work just fine.
We don't always do a great job verbalizing our needs to the Lord. How often do we forget to take care of ourselves? How often do we forget that we need held, too?
I'm not perfect. I can't always read my children's minds. I can't always understand their cries and their words, but I'm thankful God understands me. I'm thankful He knows what I need before I even remember to utter my cry. Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words."(AMP) What power lies in these words!
Thank God for this assurance. What would we do without His intercession? What would we do without His prayers that words can't even articulate?
Whether you're staring at a pile of bills bigger than your grocery buggy, you're wrangling a few toddlers on the church pew, or Laundry Mountain is about to erupt..whether you're facing an unforeseen tragedy, you're too exhausted to pray, you're too angry to give it to God, you're hanging onto bitterness, or you've found yourself in a new season where you're struggling to adjust, you don't have to scream and wail to get God's attention. He is there. Sometimes we simply need to stop, reach up our hands, and fall into his everlasting arms.
What a fellowship, what a joy divine
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
Leaning, Leaning
Safe and secure from all alarm
Leaning, Leaning
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
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