Motherhood is a lot like adulthood; it gets romanticized, and the hard parts are difficult to process unless you're in the throes of it. All it takes is some spit up to the hair and some sleepless nights to reveal that it's not all baby giggles and adorable dimples. It's a beautifully terrifying ministry, an investment, a calling, a mission. It is definitely something worth celebrating; however, Mother's Day can conjure up feelings of grief and sadness...even shame and embarrassment for some. Memories stir up a heavy heart in the mother who has lost a child, and reality generates feelings of shame and guilt to the mom facing post-partum depression.
None of us have a perfect road, so why does Mother's Day have to be so "perfect?"
Some mothers have never birthed a child but foster or adopt. Some mothers have lost children inside or outside of their wombs. Some mothers are spiritual mothers, nurturing those in their lives and pointing them to Christ. Still, some women are fighting with their hearts, their bodies, and their pocketbooks to be mothers, struggling to hold a baby of their own in their arms.
Our stories are all different, but we all matter, and we can all minister to each other in our own special ways.
1. The woman wanting a family
This can be a difficult day for a woman trying to have a family. She might be doing her third round of infertility treatments, or maybe she's struggling to adopt. Maybe she hasn't met Mr. Right yet, and due to her age, she doesn't know for sure if she'll ever mother a child of her own. We can reach out to these ladies this week and let them know that we see them and that they matter. We can remember a time when they made a difference in our lives or helped us out. We can acknowledge that God is good, and that in His time, all will be made right (no matter how that looks)...that our plans aren't His and that we can seek comfort in his words.
2. Spiritual Mothers
These ladies are those who take us under their wings, nurture our souls, and help us grow in grace and wisdom. I think of the Titus 2 woman. Maybe these ladies could never have children of their own. Maybe they're your great aunt, a grandmother, your pastor's wife, or a neighbor down the street. Maybe it's your Sunday school teacher or your child’s. This is a good week to remind these "spiritual mothers" that they have made a difference in our lives and that they are useful and vital to the ministry in which they have been called to serve. It's a perfect time to let these ladies know how much we value their spiritual gifts and the time they have spent fostering ours.
3. Foster Mothers
These ladies are uniquely special, and I have been blessed to know a few. Seeing the foster system up close and personal can flood your heart with more emotions than you should ever be able to feel at one time. Sometimes fostering means finally getting to adopt a child into your family; sometimes it means falling in love with a child and having to give that child back. Sometimes it means getting a call in the middle of the night that you are now a caregiver to another human being. I can't imagine this kind of love this ministry entails. These ladies could use a word of affirmation on Mother's Day, letting them know that we see how God is using them with this ministry and what a blessing it is to everyone around them.
4. Women who have lost their Mothers
This day can be especially hard for a woman (or anyone) who has lost a mother. Silence is deafening on this day. Memories can bubble to the surface, and grief can produce bitterness. Grief doesn't exist in a vacuum; it doesn't go away, but it grows with us and changes as the seasons in our lives change. We should never feel awkward about talking to someone who has experienced a loss. This is a great time to lead by example and devote some time to this particular ministry. Sometimes a memory or a cheerful word and a hug could be all they need to get through what could've been a truly lonely day. We can always remind these ladies to lean on God's understanding for comfort and that when we're weak, He is strong. (2 Cor. 12:9) We can grieve with these ladies and help them praise God for the time spent and memories made with their loved ones.
5. Empty Nesters
These ladies are the ones telling us to slow down and enjoy these "little" years...the ones who wish they had kiddos running over their toes again. These ladies might miss the handmade cards and hand-painted flower pots, but they could also experience overwhelming "what-if's" and struggle with the past, especially if their children are currently in a state of waywardness. Maybe these mothers are widowed and experience intense loneliness. We can reach out to these ladies and let them know that they did a good job as mothers and that they're still useful in God's kingdom work. We can remind each other that the only perfect parent is Jesus and that we have the freedom to be thankful and gracious with ourselves and others no matter what season of life we're in. We can believe that our stories aren't over yet and that we will be praying with them to see how God can continue to use them.
6. The Mother who wasn't there
Mother's Day can be difficult for those who weren't raised by their biological mothers. Maybe their mothers chose a different lifestyle over their children or maybe their mothers were simply not present in their children's lives for various reasons. I know from experience, however, that more youth than ever are growing up without their mothers, and Mother's Day can generate guilt, shame, embarrassment, and anger in people who feel as if they were picked over as children. We can remind these people of their worth and show them that they can have a place in the security of God's ultimate kingdom. We can also find a way to be thankful for these biological mothers because they did, in fact, give life to these children, and life is a precious gift, no matter how it looks to the eye of a mere human. God is in ultimate control, and he can bring us peace, fill our empty voids, and replace our anxiety with joy. (Psalm 94:19)
7. The Special-Needs Mom
Just like most things, Mother's Day is a little different for special-needs moms. Just the other day I saw a mom of three in the grocery store. She had twin girls and an older son. They were all piled in the buggy, stacked in there beside the bags of oranges and chips. I saw her bustling along while the kids smiled and picked at each other. "She was made to be a mother," I thought, and before I could stop myself, I said, "I wasn't. Motherhood isn't for me. I'm different" I couldn't believe what had just come out of my mind. Praise God I had been reading a book called Lies Women Believe, and I instantly began to realize that this was a lie I had been telling myself for years, and the sad thing is that I had believed myself. No matter how our kids look, learn...no matter what a piece of paper says...no matter how varied our children's needs are, we are still mothers with a purpose and a mission. Mother's Day can confuse us and muddle our thoughts about what a real mother is. We might begin to question our worth as mothers or if we're doing a good enough job raising our kids with differing needs and abilities. Maybe we're just sad because our kiddos might not even understand why we celebrate this day. This would be a great time to remind these mothers that they're doing a good job and that their motherhood mission matters.
8. Mothers who have lost children
This includes mothers who have miscarried or lost children outside of the womb. This is a day of extreme grieving for these mothers. Recognizing these mothers is a wonderful way to honor their children and their pain. We tend to steer ourselves away from awkward conversations because finding the words for this situation is almost impossible, but the best gift we can give these women are words of affirmation and validation on one of the hardest days of the year. Grief never ends; it follows us along as the seasons in our lives change. This kind of ministry is hard, but loving and ministering to these women is a wonderful way to make them feel noticed and validated as mothers. We can remind these ladies of Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." We can remind them that "All things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. Finally, we can remind them of what Jesus did on the cross...that he defeated death so we can be reunited with him and our loved ones one day in heaven. (1 Cor. 15:57) n
9. Mothers-in-law
This is a group of ladies that movies and the media sometimes like to depict in a negative light. They might just be mothers "by law," but they don't have to be. Regardless of the circumstances around our lives, we can use Mother's Day as a way to make sure these ladies feel loved and supported as members of our families. Sometimes these relationships can seem strained, but it's never too late to strengthen the bonds with these ladies who loved and raised our husbands. This is a time to thank them for loving our husbands, raising them well, being a good grandparent to our babies, and continuously praying for us. It's a great time to thank them for always being available for us and being good examples for us on our journeys as wives and mothers.
10. Step Mothers
Whether your dad remarried after your mother passed away, or your family went through a tough divorce when you were a child, these relationships can occasionally be complex and wrapped around mixed feelings. However, showing grace to this special lady in your life is a special, humbling way to minister. You can show your step mother appreciation and gratitude for loving your dad and taking care of your family. You can thank her for making a difference in your life and loving you and your family in a special, meaningful way.
10. New Mothers
The sleep-deprived, the unshowered...the ones with stories of food fights, flying forks, playing princess, catching frogs, and kissing boo-boo's, the ones with tales of arguments on the way to church and on the church pew itself...they need a hug and a "good job." Mothers of this generation often feels pressured to follow strict "mommy rules" that would qualify them as good moms. Perhaps these vulnerable mothers are struggling with post-partum depression and feel as if they’re the opposite of the mothers they imagined they would be. Today is a great day to remind these mothers that they are doing a good job. See them where they are and give them grace. Tell them to relax and breathe...that it will get easier and that they will sleep again. Remind them that raising children is an incredibly important job and that God won't forget their diligence and dedication to their families. (Heb. 6:10)
11. Adoptive Mothers
I can't imagine the emotional and financial struggle these moms go through to place a child into their lives. Maybe they didn't struggle with fertility or finances; they may have simply wanted to mother and minister to a child who needed a good home to grow up in. I imagine these ladies miss the time spent without their adopted child, whether the child was adopted right after birth or years later, and I'm sure conversations with other moms about pregnancy, birthing, and nursing can conjure feelings of sadness and confusion. This is a time to validate these mothers and tell them they're doing a good job. We can remind them that they are special and important in their ministry of motherhood.
12. Single Mothers
Mothering is hard, but going it alone is even harder. This group of ladies mother alone in their homes for various reasons. Maybe they're separated, widowed, or going through a rocky divorce. Maybe they're fostering or adopting alone. Maybe they're young and had a choice to have the child they're carrying. We can let these mothers know that we see them, that we appreciate them, and that we are available to support them in any way we can. We can pray and thank God that he knows our needs and that He will meet our needs according to his riches in glory. (Phil. 4:19)
11. Adoptive Mothers
I can't imagine the emotional and financial struggle these moms go through to place a child into their lives. Maybe they didn't struggle with fertility or finances; they may have simply wanted to mother and minister to a child who needed a good home to grow up in. I imagine these ladies miss the time spent without their adopted child, whether the child was adopted right after birth or years later, and I'm sure conversations with other moms about pregnancy, birthing, and nursing can conjure feelings of sadness and confusion. This is a time to validate these mothers and tell them they're doing a good job. We can remind them that they are special and important in their ministry of motherhood.
12. Single Mothers
Mothering is hard, but going it alone is even harder. This group of ladies mother alone in their homes for various reasons. Maybe they're separated, widowed, or going through a rocky divorce. Maybe they're fostering or adopting alone. Maybe they're young and had a choice to have the child they're carrying. We can let these mothers know that we see them, that we appreciate them, and that we are available to support them in any way we can. We can pray and thank God that he knows our needs and that He will meet our needs according to his riches in glory. (Phil. 4:19)
This is the time as young mothers that we're beginning to see we're a whole lot like our mothers, and if we look even closer, our daughters are a whole lot like us! (Sorry, Mom. I completely get it now.) Buying into commercialism is part of the fun, but I believe our moms would love to hear how we feel on this day more than any other gift on the planet! No matter if you have an adopted mom, foster mom, step-mom, or another member of your family raised you, Mother's Day is a great day to develop a habit of telling those who mean the most to us that we love them and thank God for them. We can remind our mother of how blessed she is because of how loved and admired she is by her family and friends. We can remind her of how she was there when we failed or needed advice. We can thank her for her sacrificial love and everything else she adds to our lives and our children's lives.
We can make every day Mother's Day by never failing to honor and appreciate these ladies of grace who give us spiritual and physical life.
The celebration doesn't have to end Sunday.
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