I am a planner….I am one of those people who has had my whole life planned out for years: finish college, get a job, get my master’s degree, get married by twenty-five, be finished having children by thirty, and so on. Some of those things went according to plan, but others did not. Sometimes I think the Lord allows us to go through different situations to give us a wakeup call or teach us an important lesson….in my case to truly accept that He is in control, and I am not. The wonderful thing is his plans are greater than the plans I have ever had or will ever have for myself.
How awesome is that?
Fast forward a couple of years, and Brett and I started having the desire for more children. I never dreamed our desire would lead us on our most recent journey. After months of trying to get pregnant, trying various medications, and several trips to my regular obstetrician, I was transferred to an infertility specialist. My specialist unknowingly ended up being a best friend of my brother-in-law’s. That’s just how God works! Of course, I checked out young and healthy….no known cause of infertility. I tried a series of expensive medications which also didn’t work, so the next step was more extensive treatment and an IUI procedure. My body actually was overstimulated by the treatments which resulted in large cysts and a failed procedure. Due to the cysts, I had to take a break from fertility treatments. I was devastated and frustrated after putting thousands of dollars into treatments that had failed. During this time, Brett and I questioned ourselves, our doctors, and God. Was it meant for us to have more children? Were we trying too hard? Were we trying to make something happen that was not meant to be?
After my body healed, we told our doctors we financially could not continue trying medications and procedures just to fail. We were strongly encouraged to do IVF at that point to increase the chances for pregnancy. IVF was really my only hope to get pregnant unless the Lord intervened another way. Of course, I left crying, and our initial reaction was we can’t afford it. In reality, we could not afford it, but God could. It is amazing how He works everything according to His will and in perfect timing. He provided for us financially more that year than ever! I had prayed for many years to get a job closer to home and closer to my children. Out of nowhere, I quickly received a job opportunity to go to a larger school system that greatly increased my salary. My husband and I got frustrated on many occasions with his business, but God would end up blessing us more than we needed. I could go on and on about how the Lord provided the impossible, but that is just how great He is!
We decided to try IVF one time…that was all we could possibly afford, plus I just needed to try it once to have peace of mind that I had tried everything within my power to have more children. After many rounds of medications, shots in my stomach, surgical procedures and an emotional roller coaster ride, I got the answered prayer I had longed for. I had a positive pregnancy test!
My doctor had told me there was only a thirty percent chance I would carry twins, so we were in shock when there were two. My percentage to carry both babies increased with each visit until we could finally announce we were having twins! Of course, we were ecstatic, scared, and in shock! I had prayed so hard for just one more child to go with Alexa, but the Lord had different plans. He was giving us more than we ever thought about or ask for! For our Valentine’s date, Brett and I snuck away, thanks to a sweet friend, and found out we were having boys! I will be honest…I did not know whether to laugh or cry! Baby A was not very cooperative, but Baby B was definitely a boy! She was pretty positive I was carrying two boys. I was definitely in shock…mainly because my toddler had been saying for two years we were going to have a baby boy and baby girl. Plus, my entire family is mainly girls! God definitely has a sense of humor for sure giving this girly girl two boys!
The weeks quickly passed and went pretty smoothly up until my twenty-week ultrasound. We found out then there was an issue in the boys’ growth; their femurs were short. My regular obstetrician assured me they were likely fine, but he wanted to send me to a specialist to be monitored closely especially since I was carrying multiples. Of course, I was scared to death and began doing my own research which is never a good idea! In the meantime, I was also having issues with high blood pressure which led to the diagnosis of preeclampsia early on. Our first visit and the multiple visits in the future with the specialist were always very disturbing. The boys were growth restricted due to my preeclampsia, and Baby B was getting more nutrition than Baby A. We were told the babies would likely come early….there would come a time when the babies would be safer and would grow more outside of the womb.
My blood pressure continued to be out of control which led to numerous hospital visits to be monitored and eventually led to hospitalization until delivery. I was hospitalized when I was around 24 weeks pregnant, and the news continued to get darker so I was put on blood pressure medication and continuous monitoring of the babies. Since Baby A was not progressing as Baby B, Baby B was monitored routinely while Baby A was monitored less frequently. The doctors all agreed that was best in case Baby A got into distress and sent me into an emergency delivery. They wanted to increase their survival chances and leave them in as long as they could. Each time the nurses came in to monitor was very stressful. We were tense the entire time, hoping there would be two heartbeats. After being in the hospital a few weeks, my blood pressure was outrageous one night when the nurse came to check. I had to be rushed to labor and delivery to be closely monitored.
They started preparations for delivery just in case my health or the babies’ health prompted an emergency delivery. We received even grimmer news as they performed a final ultrasound to see what the babies looked like and how they were positioned. Baby A was unable to move due to loss of amniotic fluid and was barely moving his mouth. Baby B was still okay. The doctor gave us an ultimatum….either we deliver to try to save Baby A and put Baby B at risk or postpone delivery as long as possible to allow Baby B to grow more. The doctor did not think Baby A would survive and gave him a less than 5 percent chance of survival while giving Baby B a less than 50 percent chance. Brett and I were both devastated and upset at the thoughts of having such a decision placed in our hands. I cried and told them I wanted what was best for both of my babies. They had already told us numerous times that their goal was for me to leave the hospital with one healthy baby, but I never wanted to accept that. The Lord had blessed me with two miracles, and I wanted to carry them both home. I decided that night not to do an emergency delivery and take the last round of steroids to benefit both babies. I thought it was the last possible thing I could do for both of them as their mommy, and the Lord gave me peace in doing that. This also gave us more time before having to do an emergency delivery.
Within a couple of days, the Lord took this heavy burden off of our shoulders and into his hands. My blood pressure skyrocketed again for several hours to the point that it put me at risk. There was nothing else for them to do but deliver. We were scared but relieved that the Lord made the decision for us and caused me to deliver in His time. He planned for my boys to be delivered when I was exactly 29 weeks, which is the exact period of time I had to keep them in the womb for survival. Brett and I went into delivery nervous, scared, and mentally preparing for a stillbirth for Baby A. My doctors began the c-section, and we soon heard cries, not one but two. I was in complete shock! Brett said he will never forget the look on my face. God had prevailed! I had two crying babies!
Baby A (Dallas) weighed one pound and one ounce, and Baby B (Dax) weighed one pound and thirteen ounces. They were both ten inches long. There is no way to describe how tiny they were! Dallas had to reach the one pound mark to survive due to equipment being tiny enough to use on him. He had also been given a less than five percent chance of survival, but he breathed his first week of life on his own which was amazing! Dax had to have immediate support after birth but did very well later on. Since Dallas did breathe so well on his own the first week, it actually caused him problems later on. He ended up having many complications with his breathing and feeding intolerance which also affected his growth. He stayed in the NICU 180 long days and came home at five pounds. He is now a little over ten pounds, still on a little oxygen support but has come so far. He is such a happy baby with the sweetest smile yet very feisty with a temper which is a big reason he has survived and has done so well. He was known in the NICU as “a little pistol.”
It is truly amazing how far they have come since the beginning! We watched God work miracles right before our eyes, and there is no other way to explain them other than it was Him. I don’t know why we have had to endure these circumstances, but I do know the Lord has a plan. His plans are better than my plans. His ways are greater than my ways. I know he has an ultimate plan and purpose for my two miracle babies. I look forward to watching them grow and follow the plans he has for them. God is so good, and we will forever be grateful for the work he has done and continues to do in our lives! Our sweet little guys will celebrate their first birthday May 11, 2017 even though they are only really nine months old gestation.
One of the verses I have held on to during these difficult times is Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” No matter what you are going through: miscarriage, infertility, financial hardships, uncertainty about the future, making plans for your life..etc., do know the Lord is holding you in his hands. His plans and his ways are greater than anything you could ever dream for yourself. He will make a way when there seems to be no way. Let him guide the way.
God bless!
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