I’m going to go back to 2009 when I really started to see God’s plan for my life. I was working for a local logistics company. With the drastic decline of our economy the company was forced to make several layoffs and I was part of those layoffs. This was a major stumbling block for my husband, Erin, and I. I was the steady income as well as the carrier of our health insurance. Erin had just started a new partnership but was reinvesting every penny earned. We thought health insurance was not an option as Erin had been diagnosed two years earlier with a chronic GI condition called ulcerative colitis. While laid off I started checking into health insurance offered through COBRA and it was going to cost over $2,000 per month! Thankfully, I was rehired two days later in a different position. God wink!
I decided to go back to school for a career with more stability. I had completed an associate’s degree in business administration in 2005 but was never convinced I wanted a career in business. I began praying for God’s guidance and quickly knew He wanted me to become a nurse. This was in the spring of 2010 and many deadlines for nursing programs had passed or were quickly approaching. My first choice was Bevill State Community College because it was just minutes from my home but I had missed the deadline. Erin and I met with an advisor at Wallace State Community College and she walked us through each step I would need to complete before being considered. I would have to enroll in one prerequisite course for the summer semester and pass the TEAS exam. I didn’t feel confident that I would be accepted only because it was last minute and because of the requirements I had not met. I took the TEAS exam in late May, the very last day it was offered for fall acceptance. In June I received my acceptance letter and in July turned in my notice.
Erin and I decided we would do everything we could to lessen our expenses since we would be living on his income while still trying to grow his business. So, we sold his large company SUV and bought an older car with good gas mileage for me. We put our house up for sale and decided we would move in with my parents when it sold. Health insurance was a requirement for me while in the program so we bought the cheapest and most basic coverage we could find and Erin went without insurance. Scary!!
Two years passed and it was time for graduation. God truly blessed us throughout my time in the nursing program. We were able to keep our house. Erin was healthy and didn’t require regular clinic visits or hospitalizations or even the expensive medication he is now taking. God wink!
Three months after graduation God blessed me with a wonderful job at The Kirklin Clinic that I loved. I was working Monday – Friday, no weekends, and no holidays. We had great benefits including health, vision, and dental insurance, as well as disability insurance and 401K retirement plans. I loved my coworkers and my job! While working full-time I attended UAH online to complete my bachelor’s in nursing. I could have stuck with my associates and stayed in that job forever but I felt God pulling me toward more. In less than a year I knew it was time to change jobs. I felt God pulling me toward a career as a nurse practitioner. I knew in order to be the best NP I could, I needed to get bedside nursing experience. So with help from coworkers that had worked bedside at UAB I applied to only one position. I interviewed and was offered the job the same day. I knew I was exactly where God wanted me to be. I started my new job in July 2013. I quickly knew I was working with a wonderful group of nurses, respiratory therapists, nurse practitioners, and more. I was given a wonderful, Godly preceptor who took me under her wing and taught me everything she possibly could. I was truly blessed. About a month after starting my new job Erin and I found out we were pregnant. I wanted children very badly, I just didn’t see how a new baby fit into what I thought was God’s plan. I was blessed with a wonderfully healthy and smooth pregnancy. I applied to the NP program at UAH while pregnant and was looking forward to starting the program in the Fall.
In April 2014, our beautiful, healthy, perfect baby boy was born. He came at 37 weeks and 2 days so he easily could have had complications but God intervened and Kalel had no issues. Kalel is a play on Superman’s name on his home planet of Krypton, Kal-el. Superman was sent to Earth by his loving parents in hopes of saving his life. Superman’s powers grew and he began saving the world. I quickly fell in love with the background of that name. My hope for our little Superman is that he’ll one day save the world in his own little way.
About 4 weeks after Kalel’s birth I received a rejection letter from UAH stating I had not been chosen for the NP program. I was sad at first but God quickly reminded me of the little bundle of love lying in my arms and revealed to me the joy I would possess at being able to spend more time with him instead of attending school. I am truly thankful God’s plan is always better than my own. God wink!
I reapplied to UAH for the Family NP program to begin in the Fall of 2015. I was accepted and began classes and clinical rotations in August. While in school I was able to work part-time which allowed me to keep our insurances as well as help with expenses around the house.
In December I began having sharp pains in my left breast. I didn’t think anything about them because just as quickly as they came, they were gone. In late December I had a sharp pain that made me grab the area and it was then that I felt a small lump. I hoped it was nothing but I knew I should get it checked out. I made an appointment with my OB-GYN for early January. The NP examined me and she suggested I get a mammogram and ultrasound. I was seen a couple of weeks later. The mammogram and US confirmed there was a suspicious cyst so the radiologist suggested we follow with a biopsy. Up to this point I had only told my husband and two close friends from NP school about the lump. Erin accompanied me to all the appointments. Once a biopsy was suggested I then told my parents and sisters, Erin’s parents, and some close friends and family. Erin and Mom accompanied me to the biopsy on Thursday, February 11, 2015. I was able to see the mammogram pictures on the screen while they prepped me for the biopsy. I could see the cyst and in my heart knew it was cancer. The biopsy went well and was relatively painless. The doctor said she would call me the following evening with preliminary results. After it was over I kept a brave face and met Mom and Erin in the waiting room to go. The next evening Erin, Kalel, and I were visiting with friends. These are close friends that knew about the biopsy. Between 7 and 8 pm my phone rang and Erin and I stepped out onto the porch and put the phone on speaker mode. I’ll never forget the doctor’s words. She said, “I hate to tell you this but the cells collected are cancerous. It’s invasive ductal carcinoma.” I laid my head over on Erin’s shoulder and cried silently. I immediately started thinking about Kalel and how this would affect him. While trying to listen to the doctor I quickly decided I wouldn’t let my cancer diagnosis affect my son. I would be strong. I could be strong. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philipians 4:13. After ending the call with the doctor Erin and I stood there and held each other for several minutes. I could feel the worry and fear creeping into him but I knew he was going to be my rock. We called both sets of parents. My parents offered to come to the house right away but I decided to stay with our friends. Kalel was having a great time and I was not ready to give in. We went back inside and broke the news to our friends. I was immediately taken into hugs and prayed over. Those are the friends you need and want in situations like these. Erin went back to his game with the guys and the girls and I played with the babies. I could see their concerned looks but we didn’t mention the cancer again. We left around 9:30pm. Kalel was quickly asleep in his car seat and Erin and I were quiet but holding hands.
The next day was Saturday and I had offered to work a half-day for a coworker. I had a good morning but was always thinking about my recent diagnosis. How is this going to affect my work? How do I tell my coworkers who obviously love me and will be just as heart-broken as my family. When my replacement arrived I went searching for my assistant nurse manager. Now this ANM is unlike any other. She is a Godly, people-loving, give you the shirt off her back kind of woman. She had been a wonderful support for me from the day I started. When Kalel was born she came to the hospital. She immediately adopted him into her heart and to this day loves him like her own son. I pulled her aside and told her I had breast cancer. Tears immediately started falling down her face and she wrapped me so tightly in her arms I knew I could never fall if she were around. I remember her continually saying, “Why? It’s just not fair.” She kissed me on the forehead and the cheek and said, “It’s going to be ok. We’re going to pray you through this. Anything you need, you let me know.” I immediately had peace regarding any issues that may arise at work. As I was leaving work I called my family. Mom, Dad, Kendra, Brandie, Mattie, and Tucker were at the house when I got there. I could see the pain in their faces and it broke my heart. I knew then that I had to be strong for them too. I had two girls who looked up to me and I wanted to be a strong example for them. Later that evening I told my school friends as well other close friends.
The next month was somewhat of a roller coaster. I was in my second semester of the NP program, doing clinical rotations, and still working part-time. I was having multiple doctor appointments each week. I chose my oncologist because Erin’s grandpa had been being treated for lymphoma and it just happened that his wonderful doctor specialized in lymphoma and breast cancer. God wink!
I joined a trial study, which allowed me additional tests such as MRIs and biopsies that insurance wouldn’t have covered otherwise. These additional biopsies were a determining factor in whether I would need chemo or not. If it showed I was low-risk for recurrence I would not have chemo. If it came back as high-risk I would. The day we found out I was high-risk was a hard day. Erin and I were at Kirklin waiting to meet with my coordinator. She gave us the news and told us we would start chemo that day. It would take a couple of hours to finish up all the paperwork and get the orders in so we went for a walk and lunch. Not long into our walk from the clinic my sweet daddy called. He was so worried and it was like God told him I needed to talk to him, and I really did. I told him I would have to have chemo and could tell he quickly started crying. I am a daddy’s girl and before this I had only known of one other time that he had cried. Erin took a picture of me after I got off the phone. You can see the glisten of tears in my eyes but there was a smile on my face. I was broken but faithful at the same time.
God wasn’t ready for me to start chemo that day. The paperwork that needed to be completed and sent back from the trial company didn’t arrive in time so my coordinator scheduled chemo two days later. Thursday is a regular workday for Erin so Mom gladly agreed to go to the first treatment with me. I wanted it to be a fun girls day and I wanted to celebrate mom’s birthday. I made a bright pink sign, took pictures with mom and of me with my sign, and kept a smile on my face. I didn’t have to force the smile. God gave me a happy spirit and the strength to smile. We celebrated Mom’s birthday with lunch at the Cheesecake Factory after my infusion then headed home. I didn’t know what to expect but I felt fine. God wink!
My sister started a Facebook page called Prayers for Tandy. I decided to post about my journey and share my personal experience with everyone. My hope was that my honesty, my smile, and my faith might encourage others facing the same or other difficult situations.
For 12 weeks I took a chemo infusions once a week. I had a port placed in my chest. I have very small veins that are difficult to access at times. Chemo is very harsh on the veins so I knew a port was the best option for me. The first twelve treatments went great. The chemo didn’t make me feel near as bad as I expected. I did feel tired more often and I had trouble focusing on school readings and assignments. I had cut my hair very short, shorter than I had ever had it before, hoping it would ease the coming loss. My hair began thinning so much that it made me look much sicker than I felt. One afternoon I got off work early, stopped to borrow a friends clippers, and invited Mom, Brandie, Mattie and Laurie to the house to help me shave my head. As my hair continued falling out I began wearing head wraps and cute hats to hide the only thing that gave an outward sign that I was sick.
After the 12 once-a-week infusions finished I began taking 2 chemotherapies at each visit. These therapies were much stronger so they were administered every 2 weeks. One drug is so harsh it is known as “The Red Devil”. These drugs caused much stronger side effects such as nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and decreased immunity. I immediately felt the effects of these drugs. Even though I was given steroids by mouth and IV, as well as anti-nausea medicine with each treatment I still felt awful the evening of the treatment as well as a couple of days later. I was given an injection after each infusion that was supposed to help keep my neutrophil count up which would aid my immune system.
I started having trouble being able to work my 12-hour shifts. Coworkers became very worried and my nurse manager worked out a part-time schedule that would allow me to work my shifts when I was at my best and would be off for several days when I felt my worst.
I was hospitalized only once during my treatments. I woke up with Kalel one morning and was standing in the kitchen trying to get him breakfast. I almost blacked-out twice and had to slide down the cabinets to the floor. I had to wake Erin and we quickly headed to UAB ER. Richard came and got Kalel. I was severely dehydrated and neutropenic meaning I had no immune response and could easily catch anything and everything. They admitted me to the hospital and I got IV fluids and antibiotics. I became very anemic. I was told if my labs showed another decrease I would have to have a blood transfusion. I did not want to get blood so I prayed hard and long. When the results of my lab work returned my levels had gone up and I was discharged later that day. God wink!
It was during my summer semester that I felt my worst. My instructors allowed me to get as many clinical hours as I could and make up for those missed during my last semester. It was difficult to get all the extra hours combined with the regular requirements of the fall semester but God surely provided.
After finishing chemo I had to take multiple medications. One of these was a monthly injection to suppress my ovaries from making estrogen. Another was a tablet used to suppress the estrogen produced by other parts of my body. The injection would have to be taken for the rest of my life, would put me into menopause and cause worse side effects than natural menopause, and cost $80 each month. I decided to have my ovaries removed to avoid the injection and it’s side effects. This meant we wouldn’t be able to have any more children but I knew God had blessed us with the one he wanted us to have.
On August 9 I had a double mastectomy. Since we had to wait for the pathology to return before we knew if I had to have radiation or not, the surgeon placed tissue expanders. This surgery was not an easy one. Nine hours after surgery my nurse and Erin were helping me up so I could walk to the bathroom. I had been lying mostly flat since the surgery and the first attempt to get out of bed was the worst pain I had ever endured. I screamed out and began crying. It was so painful that I could not control my emotions. My chest and back muscles were so affected by the surgery that I could not use them to lift myself from the bed without excruciating pain. After about 10 minutes I did finally get to the bathroom. My nurse was able to get IV pain medicine that worked very well so I planned the rest of my evening with when I could get that medicine. I had a drain placed on each side and went home with them. I did not have to have radiation so the plan for expansion continued. I had regular visits to my plastic surgeon to have the expanders filled to slowly stretch the muscles and skin before implants were placed.
I continued with school and clinicals and graduated on December 11. I was happy, proud, and relieved to have school behind me. On December 13 I had surgery to replace the expanders with implants. This surgery was much less painful and did not require as much recovery as the first. I had my ovaries removed on January 3 and returned to work January 10.
I followed-up with my oncologist on February 22 and blood work and a chest x-ray confirmed I was free of cancer!! I can truly attest to the fact that God takes care of his children and carries us when we don’t have the strength to carry on. His will is always better than our own even if we don’t understand it. My favorite song is “Thy Will be Done” by Hilary Scott. I won’t put the words here but please read them. They are so true to how I felt throughout my struggle with cancer but I am now proof of His grace and mercy. God wink!
Psalms 37:23-24 states, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.”
No comments:
Post a Comment