One fall night, I stood just outside a car, holding my then 4-year-old son. As we gazed up at the crystal clear sky, a million stars twinkled, and my son’s eyes shone brighter than them all. He was in absolute wonder, and I was in tears. You see, that look said more than a million words ever could. The awe struck wonder on his face gave me so much joy and hope! Just one year prior, we had been hit with the news that he was nonverbal and autistic. As devastating as a diagnosis like that can be, we were determined to help him be who he was meant to be. Each and every day following the diagnosis was really no different than the days before, but we finally knew what made our boy so unique.
Autism looks different for each individual. For my son, it means difficulty communicating with language, an inability to sleep, and difficulty with foods. It also means lots of hugs and cuddles, musical laughter, and the sweetest, angelic voice when he does speak. So often, we get caught up in the negative and don’t stop to see the positive. When you have a child with autism, though, it’s so important to see those positives. Do we wonder and sometimes worry about what his future will look like? Absolutely! However, we also know that he is full of potential that is just waiting to be unlocked. In fact, I’ve learned so much by just watching him process and absorb the activities of the world around him. His mind is truly amazing!
The main thing that I’ve learned, though, is how important it is to actually take the time to notice him. For example, my son has trouble communicating with language, yet he can recite an entire cartoon or song he hears after watching or hearing it a couple of times. He’s begun to even use these songs and phrases to communicate what he wants or even how he feels at times. The thing is, I wouldn’t be able to pick up on any of that unless I actually stopped and paid attention. That’s one of the awesome things he has taught me...it is important to pay attention to those I love. When I say that, I don’t mean just giving someone 5 minutes of your time. I mean really digesting their actions, words, & body language. By doing that, you begin to see the beauty of the individual. You see their uniqueness and their true value. The beauty of autism is that each child is as unique as a snowflake. They all have their own gifts, but we have to give them the ability to share those gifts.
So, in light of all of this you may ask, why would I wait to tell anyone about his diagnosis? Is it because I’m embarrassed? Is it because I’m ashamed? Is it because I’m in denial? I can honestly say that none of these are true. So, then why did I wait?
There was a period, before he was diagnosed, that I just couldn’t see it. He didn’t fit the mold that I believed that children with autism had to fit. He was loving and loved to be cuddled. He was happy and not at all aggressive. He didn’t have melt downs often enough for it to be a concern. However, he did walk on his toes on occasion and we struggled with sleep (as in he didn’t!). He also did not say more than a handful of words and those words were not always used appropriately. In addition, he didn’t really play with his toys imaginatively. He would look at their design and fixate on aspects of them, but not play with them in the way they are meant to be played. As I mentioned before, no two children with autism are affected in the same way, thus the reason it is a spectrum disorder. Two children may have similar issues with sleep, for example, but one may be nonverbal and the other may be incredibly articulate. Herein lies the reason why I waited....expectations.
When you hear that someone has autism, what do you expect? Before my son, I knew that just having autism didn’t mean that person was dumb or incapable. In fact, I knew enough to know that so many with autism are incredibly intelligent and can be savants in certain areas, but I also did think that they may have challenging social interactions or behaviors that made them somewhat weird or unusual. When people have weird or unusual behaviors, those around them often do not know how to react and, thus, avoid interactions as much as possible. Avoiding interactions is the last thing people who have difficulty with interactions need! There’s a level of fear...not necessarily that the person might harm you, but just that you aren’t sure how to handle them or their behavior. We fear what we don’t know or understand, which is just human nature. It was and still is at times this misunderstanding that leads me to keep quiet about our struggle with autism. I see, however, how much I need to talk about it in order to help those around me understand that autism isn’t so scary. In fact, 1 John 4:18 has encouraged me so much in my journey. It says...
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.”
Now, I realize that I’m taking it a bit out of context, but if we could extend the perfect love that Jesus has for us to those around us, whether they have autism or not, parents wouldn’t be so afraid to share their journey. With education and understanding, those fears would be replaced with unconditional love and the support that they need. Believe me when I say that support and unconditional love can go a long way in helping those on this path!
During this month of awareness, my hope is that by sharing a little bit about our son, those who read this will see the value and beauty of children, as well as adults, with autism. They are truly beautiful people with a very unique perspective on our world. If we’d give them the opportunity, I believe they could contribute so much! Know that just because someone falls on the spectrum, that in no way limits them in potential to do great things in life. It may mean that it takes them longer to reach their potential, but they can and will get there. My hope is that as we all become more aware, they will have increasing opportunity to do so! We have all just got to be willing to give them the courtesy of learning and doing at their pace. In doing so, love can be poured out, fear can leave and those in the autism community can be allowed to blossom and thrive.
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