It has been a year today since my dad had his stroke. Dad isn't 100% like we thought he would be last year....like we prayed so hard for him to become, and it hurts to say that. For those of you who have gotten to experience strokes first hand, you know how it changes a person. Some miraculously see no change, but for others, you lose a part of who you are, who you used to be, and you lose a part of your future. It can be a really disheartening change to your life.
The vision I get of my dad is a dad who lifted me up by the elbows when I was little girl, a dad who would swing me around and let me pile up on his lap, a dad who would get in the floor and wrestle with us after supper, a dad who worked with his hands, swam in the pool, and drove a truck for years. No, things weren't always easy, but I like to think on the good. I will never forget this dad; however, the devil tries to make me forget.
Five days after I had Caroline, I got a text message early that morning. I obviously wasn't sleeping much, so I remember looking at the phone for a second trying to figure out what indeed was going on. I was standing beside the bed, and I just remember my heart sinking. My dad was in a helicopter being rushed to UAB. I don't know what happened next. I don't even remember telling Heath. I just remember praying and thinking everything was going to be alright. Even as I saw my dad in the hospital bed later that evening, slurred speech, incapable of using his left side, my heart was still absent of fear. I did not doubt for a second that Dad would survive it, that he would be okay. I couldn't; I didn't have the strength. I refused to think the worst.
My mom and dad were away at rehab for almost two months, and I was incredibly selfish. I needed their help. I needed them to be there for me with the new baby, and it frustrated me that I couldn't be there for them in their time of need. I just kept believing that Dad was going to walk out of that building whole just like he had always been. I didn't want to think about the possibility of him not being the same, but as the months kept following each other, and I kept seeing that this stroke wasn't leaving my dad, I got scared. It started bothering me. I started letting it get to me. I started questioning God. I started losing my focus.
The devil tries to make me think that God isn't God sometimes, and that He still isn't the God of miracles. He reminds me that it has been a year and that Dad has only held Caroline with both arms just a few times in her life. He reminds me of the little things you wouldn't normally think about like washing your hands or playing peek-a-boo. He reminds me of a lot of things that I don't want to think about. He wants us to blame ourselves for the bad things that happen to us. He also wants us to blame God.
None of this surprises God. Did God cause it? No. Did He allow it? Yes. Will I ever understand why? No. Well, maybe. Even though the stroke didn't happen to me, it did. It happened to me. It changed my life, and it changed my mom's life, my family's life. It changed how my dad perceives the world, and it created a new level of strength that we all have to cling to each day. It fulfilled any loopholes or gaps in our faith. It closed up any loose ends we might have had in regards to what we take for granted. I view his stroke in a good and bad way because although I hate his stroke for changing him, it did make my mom and dad better. I've never been more proud of my dad than I am today. I know he tries to stay strong for us, and I know he has his weak moments, but I'm so proud of how he has been clinging to the Lord, choosing joy, and relying on a miracle of healing even now...a year later. Ten years ago, I couldn't say that. And mom, who has lost her dad, her sister, and has gone on countless journeys with me and my brother, has become one of the strongest women I know.
Because of Sin We Have Grace
I talked with my Sunday school kids recently about how we as humans constantly chase a state of control, bliss, and perfection. We wholeheartedly think it's achievable. We naively think it's possible. We base our whole lives with the expectation that we are going to be happy, and that everything is going to go smoothly, but when something goes wrong, we search and search for a way to get back to that state of bliss. Most of the time, we're searching in all the wrong places. We think we deserve it. We think that since we're Christians or that we're good people, good things should naturally come to us, but the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:20 and Romans 3:23 that no one goes without sin, and since the fall of man and sin's introduction into this world, the perils of life are going to attack us. But there's hope in this.
Because of the creation of sin (or sin's aftermath: death, disease, destruction, pain, and suffering), God's glory can be seen. From the fall of man we have sin, pain, and heartache, but because it exists, God's majesty is made manifest. I read a beautiful, anonymous quote the other day:
"Sin doesn't slam the door on God's blessings; it opens the gate for his grace."How true is this? When we're floating through life thinking it's all about us, how wrong we are!
Let me introduce you to a man from the Bible. He was born in a barn and clothed in rags. He was persecuted for helping people. He had temptations and emotions. He was a real human being who never got the fame and fortune he deserved while He lived. He was beaten and murdered in a slow, painful way. His killers tried to take away his dignity. They mocked him and made fun of him.
Sound familiar?
Was Jesus' life easy? Was He a king who lounged on cushions all day, ate the best food, wore cloth of gold, or wore a crown of jewels? Did he make millions or publish twenty books? Did he have three degrees? Did he live in a castle?
Why then must we think our lives should ever be any better than Jesus's? Why must we be surprised when we go through hardships, tests, temptations, or spiritual persecution? Why do we think we can't be tested if Jesus himself was tempted by the devil himself? Why do we think we can go without needing God if Jesus himself had to pray?
Contemplating on the life of Jesus has brought me a lot of strength lately, and I hope you can find strength through him today, too.
I know there are a lot of you battling with something today, or maybe you're simply waiting on a miracle from God like I am with my dad. I don't know if it's because my son's name being Isaac that I love the story of Abraham so much, but if you ever need an illustration on faith, Abraham is your man. Most of you know the story. In Genesis 22 God commands Abraham to slay his son as a sacrifice in the land of Moriah. I'm assuming this was a long journey because it says on the third day that he found the place in which he was to use as the place for sacrifice.
"And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I. And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me. And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son. (Genesis 22:9-13)Can you imagine contemplating on this for three days after God had previously told you that you would have a son (at his old age), and that he would be the father of many nations? Can you imagine his confusion, his fear? Can you imagine having to go through something like this with your child? Would we have trusted God like Abraham did?
I believe that this story is for all of us today, all of us struggling with life and the way it has played its devilish hand in our families. I believe that this story illustrates that NOTHING IS TOO BIG for God to take care of. We shouldn't be surprised when we go through a difficult situation, but we should never doubt what God can do with it.
Dad is different, sure. But I'm proud of who he is and how he has handled this situation. I'm proud of how he has used his circumstances to glorify the Lord. I know it is hard for him, but I'm proud of how he sees his blessings more vividly now. We all need a dose of this.
Ladies, I hope and pray that you will work alongside me this week by waiting, praying, expecting, and trusting for our rams in the thicket. I love this verse: "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
God knows what we're going through today. I'm praying for a miracle for my Dad, and I hope you will begin to pray with me for your miracle that you're hoping and praying for, too
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