I married Bradly just shy of 20 years old, check. I finished my RN degree at age 22, check. On to the next goal, becoming a mom. I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I wanted nothing more. After 7 months of trying with no results I knew something wasn’t right. I scheduled an appointment with an OB-GYN. This began the many doctor appointments, labs, tests, surgeries, fertility treatments, and meticulous tracking of ovulation. After 2 years and 2 doctors the only thing I held was a broken heart. Then, during a break between treatments we found out why I had been feeling a little off. We were expecting. Oh, the plans we made for that sweet baby in the first 2 hours we knew about him/her. However, the joy was short lived. We had to go every 2 days to have blood work done due to low hormone levels. The hope was that the levels would double each visit. The first 2 times they did, but the third visit was not a charm and we found out we were losing our baby. I already knew it before those results. I felt the change in my body. I prayed I was wrong; I pleaded with God for my baby. But, it wasn’t His will. I had never experienced sorrow to that depth before. I felt as if the searing tears were burning straight from my soul. Getting out of bed was a daily struggle. I had to pray for the strength to simply survive when I all wanted was to wake up in heaven with my baby.
The months dragged on, but we found happiness in our church, family, and friends. I found happiness in my career as a nurse. We began seeing a new doctor months after our loss. We obtained more answers as to why we were having difficulty conceiving and found out we had essentially less than a 50% chance of conceiving naturally. It was overwhelming, and we needed a break financially and mentally. This journey is hard on a marriage. As time passed we grew apart very subtly until the divide was a large one. Just as we were deciding to stay together to make it through the holidays or go ahead and separate then, we got another surprise. That surprise is now named Reid.
During the pregnancy, we began working hard at fixing what was so broken and God restored our marriage just as He promised He would. I don’t know why God made us wait 5 years after we began trying or 3 years after our terrible loss, but I do know He sent Reid when we needed him the most.
God is so faithful. No matter how far we go, how broken we become, he can redeem and make all things new. We always prayed, "Just one, Lord, just one". While I’m writing this, I am nursing a sweet 7 week old with a 23 month old hanging over my shoulder rubbing my arm and watching a 4 year old play across the room. Let that sink in for a minute.
We went from 5 long years of tears, loss, and brokenness to joy, fruitfulness, and wholeness. Isn’t that what God does, though? God took a less than 50% chance and gave us 3 boys on natural cycles, which means no meds, no treatments. Our 3 boys all came at the most inopportune times, yet the most perfect. Judah Samuel is boy number 3. Judah means "praised." Samuel means "God has heard." His name was in my heart from the time that Gunnar (boy number 2) was born even though we didn’t plan on having any more children. God certainly heard and has been so faithful. We give Him all the praise.
I can’t help but think of the lyrics to "Jesus Paid it All" written by Elvina Hall when I think of our lives: "I hear the Savior say, thy strength indeed is small/ Child of weakness watch and pray, find in me thine all in all/ Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe/ Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."
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