Like most women, I’ve spent many mornings looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. And like most women, I have taken extreme measures thinking that if I was “skinny” then I would finally feel good about myself. My journey to positive body image has not exactly been an easy one. It has been full of twists and turns with several bumps in the road, but it has been through this journey that my faith in God has grown by leaps and bounds. And it is through this journey that I discovered a major calling and purpose for my life.
I have always struggled with being overweight, even as a child. I grew up in the south, where the fried food is abundant and we celebrate everything with casseroles and apple pies. When I graduated from high school, I took a job as a receptionist where I worked twelve-hour weekend shifts. Most of the time, we would grab pizza and soft drinks to get us through the long days. At the same time, I was in college studying for my accounting degree, so every moment I wasn’t at work, I was busy working hard on papers and studying for final exams. I was exhausted, running on very little sleep, and fueling my body with junk food and “emotional” eating. I realized that my clothes were beginning to get snug and I had to go up a few sizes when I went shopping for clothes, but my mind still did not seem to notice that my body had a problem.
One day, I went in for a routine exam at my doctor’s office. She took my blood pressure and noticed that it was elevated. She asked if I had been experiencing any problems, and I told her about the constant headaches I had been having but had always assumed were due to the stress of my college career. She then proceeded to tell me – at the young age of 21 – that I had hypertension and would need to begin taking blood pressure medication. My doctor told me it was probably genetics, but deep down I knew better. After further research, I confirmed what I already knew - my issues were most likely due to being overweight. Here I was, 21 years old and already on medication for life. That was the breaking point when I made the decision to take back control of my life before it got completely out of hand.
I started my health and fitness journey by going down the same roads I had tried in the past: counting calories, low carb diets, wraps, diet pills, cleanses, fad diets…and again, I was left frustrated. I came to a hard realization that I had been going at this all wrong. I had been depending on myself, when in fact, I needed to turn this over to God. I had sinned in my gluttony and I needed God’s help to overcome it. I began to learn about clean eating and how to fuel my body with whole foods. I stopped eating “low fat” and “low carb” and just ate more lean protein, whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. I cut out processed foods and artificial sweeteners. I learned how to prep my meals in advance so I would not be tempted to grab fast food in a time crunch. I also learned how to portion my food so that I was not overeating. I made workouts a top priority.
I was able to lose 45 pounds and come off blood pressure medication. I was elated that I had finally seemed to overcome this thing that had plagued me for so long. But then something unexpected happened...I became obsessed. In fact, I became so obsessed that I made sure I only ate between 1,000 - 1,200 calories a day. I told myself I had to work out every single day, and if for some reason I missed a day, I felt guilty and would punish myself by limiting my calories even more. I purposely did not go to certain social functions where I knew there would be junk food. My hair started to thin. My face was sunken in, which made me look so much older. I was under-nourished and over-exercised. Once again - even though it was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, I was unhealthy and had stopped treating my body as the temple that God had given me.
Oh friends, if we could only see ourselves the way God sees us! Then maybe - just maybe - we could learn to love ourselves just the way we are. We would be intentional about taking care of ourselves, not for vanity, but for our health’s sake - so we can be better moms and wives and take care of our families to the best of our ability. Thank God that He was able to get a hold of me, once and for all, just before I met my husband back in 2015.
My “why” for this health and fitness journey is about so much more than a number on the scale now. It is about my relationship with the Lord – taking care of the precious gift He has given me while using it for His glory. Yes, my journey resulted in a physical transformation, but more importantly, it resulted in a transformation of the heart. I am grateful that the Lord used this part of my story to help me discover one of my callings – to encourage and support others along their faith and fitness journey.
Just recently, I was faced with a new body image challenge - pregnancy.
It may seem like a somewhat taboo topic, but I think every new mom goes through the thought process that she is never going to look like her old self again. Don’t get me wrong: I am eternally grateful for this precious gift that God has given me. He has fully equipped me to carry this baby, and all of the healthy diet and lifestyle changes I have made over the years have prepared me to be strong and ready to give birth. And although I know ALL of this, the devil tries to nag me with those old thoughts when I look in the mirror. He tries to get me down and tell me that this is the new me and I will never look fit again. He gets in my head during my workouts when I can’t lift as much as I could just a few short months ago and tells me that I should just give up. Thank God for saving me from the days where I dwelled on the thoughts that I was “less than.” Thank God that I know that He will be right by my side during the postpartum period, and He will run the faith race with me...and I will be stronger and healthier than ever. And then - more than ever - I will have a reason to be the best version of myself - to set a good example of positive body image for my son.
It is true that God has given us the gift of physical attraction. I believe we have a responsibility to take care of our bodies for our health and to honor our spouse. And when I am overly critical of my appearance, I dishonor God’s creation, insult my husband’s taste, and make my spirit less attractive. Instead, I should remember that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
We are God’s masterpieces. Not His sketches and not His rough drafts. If God sees us as His priceless creations and His works of art, why would we want to change our appearances? Why would we want to be any different than we are? You are a masterpiece. You are beautiful. God loves you. You aren’t supposed to be like anyone else.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10
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