The Road Less Traveled

Wow! What a vacation. I wish I could say everything went as planned and that everyone was happy and cheerful the whole time, but that wouldn’t be the truth. At one point, I think every member of the family had shed some tears and was ready to pack up and head home! Between refereeing sibling war, to eating supper in a hail storm, the first couple of days didn’t go as planned.
But sometimes in our family, what you plan for isn’t always what you’ll get.

Here’s a little background story. It’s a story about a girl, a life she envisioned, and the detour God gave her instead.

For the longest, I dreamed of a son who would play ball, run to me after school and share stories about what happened that day, take drum lessons from his Daddy, sing in the choir, go to space camp, take a girl to prom, and be the top of his class. I dreamed of a little boy who would eventually grow into a husband and a father. I dreamed of a man who would lead in church. I dreamed of seeing my son in the paper and feeling all puffed up and proud. I dreamed of graduations and crying over an empty room. I dreamed of watching my son get married and going to the hospital to see my first grand babies.

I wanted to hope for the amazing things that would come. I wanted to believe bad things didn’t happen to good people. I wanted to coast along on the road of life.

However, instead of coasting along, God gave me a detour and I had to become a different person with different goals with different expectations who feels different feelings.

I have cringed when the lady in line at Dollar General yelled at her son to be quiet when I ached to hear Isaac’s first words. I have cried over Facebook posts. I have been jealous over my own daughter for the sake of my son at the ease in which she adapts to this world we live in. I have lain awake at night wondering if my son will ever go on a date, know what it’s like to be loved, live on his own, get married, or ever have a family. I have questioned God and doubted Him. I have died over and over again with each developmental checklist and evaluation packet an inch deep. With mascara-stained cheeks, I’ve driven away from IEP meetings after discussing "the child" and all that he can’t do and should do. I have suffered through every vaccination debate. I have researched and put my hopes in books and cures and diets and supplements and articles until I was lost in a foggy maze of letters and numbers. I have pulled my son out of the Chick-Fil-A playground while he kicked and screamed only to have the eyes of all the mothers glaring at me with disgust. I have heard the words that no parent ever wishes to hear. I have felt cheated and betrayed, exhausted and denied, jealous and angry, lost and confused, sad and defeated, inadequate, and heart broken, guilty and sorry.



But I’ve also felt real, tangible prayers, grace, and compassion. I’ve felt victory after a storm. I’ve felt real, true healing from birdsong on a sunny day. I’ve met some amazing people who genuinely care about my son. I’ve witnessed a relationship blossom between a brother and sister that exists purely out of love. I’ve watched a village of people come together to help us care for and love our son. I more readily hear the Holy Spirit whisper comfort. I notice tastes, smells, textures, and sounds differently than before. I notice the wind, the leaves, laughter, dirt, flowers, grass, bugs...the brevity of time itself...I notice it all, and I soak it all in. I appreciate and value my relationships more. Each day with my family, each small victory...I’ve learned to cherish the mundane, marginal moments most people don’t even recognize as monumental. These moments make up my life, and for that I’m thankful because I’m better than I was before.

Judging by these pictures, you would’ve never guessed things had gone sour on the first full day of being there. Things aren’t always what they seem, though. This vacation could’ve ended terribly. We can’t always do things in a "normal" way when we are all together. Sometimes we have to make changes, and that’s not always easy. It hurts sometimes. Big. Life sometimes feels like we’re tiptoeing around on egg shells. But y’all, at the end of the day, I have to know I tried. I have to know I did my best. I can’t give up. I can’t give in. I have to leave on a good note.
My pictures aren’t here to make you believe we are a perfect family or that we have it all together or that everyone always gets along. My pictures are proof that if you try hard enough, God can intervene and give you joy. He can help you find the good in the worst kind of day. He can change your fretful, angry, heavy heart into a weightless feather. I like to think joy stands for "just one you." We have one life! One life to love and live. One time around to make it count. One chance to reach out and change someone’s day. It can also mean that no one can take your place. You are unique. Loved.
My pictures are proof that we choose memories, and that has made all the difference.
I don’t talk about our story much because for a long time, this world was too big and scary to express with words, and the love for my son was too heavy and strong to reduce to mere social media likes. Fear kept me quiet. In all ways, I had to protect my son, and I felt it was my duty to carry on, keep the faith, and stand firm in the normal parts of life I could cling to. But what’s normal anyway? Seeking "normal" can become a huge burden. A friend told me the other day, "Normal is a dryer setting." This made me laugh because she’s right.
Our story doesn’t have a fancy title written in gold lettering. It isn’t the grand, epic tale on the page. It’s the scribbles in the margin. The half told tale of a subplot not yet unfolded. The corrections. The edits. The revisions. The crossed out places that God isn’t finished with yet. We are a story in the making. A story of a boy, the future God has planned for him, and the unique road God has him on.
I might not ever find out all the why’s, when’s, and how’s while I’m on this road of life, but I’m certain of one thing: It won’t matter once I get there.
We’re all wanting to get to the same destination; some of us just have to use a different map. And that’s okay.
Until then, we are located on Autism Avenue, and you are welcome to come over any time. Please pull up a chair and get to know my sweet, silly, sensitive little boy. Things look a little different around here because it’s not what you’re used to. Sometimes we laugh because we’re crying, and sometimes we cry because we’re laughing. It’s never easy, but if you bring some sour straws, M&M’s, or a tractor or two, I know a little boy who will love you forever.

Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

The Road Less Traveled

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

"It's a phase," I told myself. No. It's a zoo.

The moments when my babies are out of the loop are some of the purest, rawest, most childlike moments of my life. When I'm standing there desperate, when my heart is an open wound, feeling pulled in all directions, and the cries and screams of my children and the insurmountable lists of to-dos are the salt, those are the moments when I wonder, who is the real child here? 

I'm too weak for this. Too unworthy for this kind of work, Lord. 

"What do you want? Please...just use your words. Tell me what you want!" I didn't understand my daughter's jumbled cries, her fit of rage, so I exercised my authority with another shout.

She tugged on my dress, stomped her feet, and dissolved into a fit of tears.

Breathe. I'm too weak for this. Too unworthy for this kind of work, Lord. 

Hold me. She reached her little arms up, pleading with her eyes.

"Do you want me to hold you?" I picked her up and she nestled into my neck. Suddenly, the world made sense. Hold me.

In her embrace, a thousand words and feelings dripped into my heart like droplets of rain on a dry, summer day.

"Why didn't you just say 'Hold me, Mama.'? Why didn't you just tell me?"

Words were no longer necessary.

My parched soul, oblivious of what my daughter needed in that moment, clung to my little girl and reminded me that I needed to be held, too...that I needed to stop and let the Holy Spirit work in me a new heart, a new attitude, a new hope, and a new perspective--not just on Sunday morning. Sometimes the kitchen floor will work just fine.

We don't always do a great job verbalizing our needs to the Lord. How often do we forget to take care of ourselves? How often do we forget that we need held, too?

I'm not perfect. I can't always read my children's minds. I can't always understand their cries and their words, but I'm thankful God understands me. I'm thankful He knows what I need before I even remember to utter my cry. Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words."(AMP) What power lies in these words!

Thank God for this assurance. What would we do without His intercession? What would we do without His prayers that words can't even articulate?

Whether you're staring at a pile of bills bigger than your grocery buggy, you're wrangling a few toddlers on the church pew, or Laundry Mountain is about to erupt..whether you're facing an unforeseen tragedy, you're too exhausted to pray, you're too angry to give it to God, you're hanging onto bitterness, or you've found yourself in a new season where you're struggling to adjust, you don't have to scream and wail to get God's attention. He is there. Sometimes we simply need to stop, reach up our hands, and fall into his everlasting arms. 

What a fellowship, what a joy divine 

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Leaning, Leaning

Safe and secure from all alarm

Leaning, Leaning

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Guest Post with CeJe Thompson Hearn: Called to Mommyhood in the Trenches

“Longevity isn’t the discussion we have here. It isn’t about long-term planning, it is about quality. You have to begin with acceptance. There IS NO CURE.“
I had carried on a discussion like this before. I had seen a face like that doctor's one other time in my life. I had also seen the smiles like those of the sweet nurses, that smile that makes you want to scream because you feel like they know a secret or that says they feel sorry for you. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for us, but at the same time I wanted to fall into their arms and crumble into a million pieces. I’d been here.

I recognized all of this from when I was told by doctors about my mom’s terminal cancer. No one is supposed to live this moment about your child, yet here I was, on Valentine’s Day nonetheless, and I was in that room alone. Surreal is the only description for seeing your son get valentines from volunteers in a Neuro-ICU. I wanted to scream, “We don’t know you and we don’t want this!”

I will never forget how in that little five minute conversation everything in my world changed. I’m not saying that lightly, I mean everything. Did you know that every part of your body can sense fear? I still smell that hospital room, it smelled of the IV meds; the same meds that would define the rest of our days. The sounds in that hospital room would become the steady, beeping sounds of assurance; but also the sounds of fear that my family would learn to live by. The sights of wires and cords from my child’s head mixed with the colorful nature at Children’s Hospital would become an oddity that my son would learn to accept. I still can’t. I was terrified to touch my own child in that moment, but I was terrified to let him go. Then taste, the taste was that kind of taste that was chemical, it was too clean. Every sense was present and enhanced by a million on that day. Even the amount of tears and the volume of the scream that could come from my body was greater. I didn’t want to be here, but here I was. At that moment, I held the newest membership card to a club I didn’t ever want to join, the club of Parents of (what doctors would at that moment call) Dying Kids. Valentine’s Day.

I felt anything but loved and I felt the strong, helpless love of a Mother all at once.

I struggled for more than a year with what happened that day. I still struggle, sometimes it is just day-by-day. I have screamed and I have begged and I have pleaded with God to change my circumstances. I’ve considered every option, even taking my own life, to avoid watching my son suffer and to avoid the life we live at times. I lost sight of everything good. Evil won some battles in my life for a period of time. I wanted the social media, pretty side of “Mommyhood”, but God was calling me to something bigger than my small mind could fathom. I was called to “Mommyhood” in the trenches.

Hope would come though. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.”

I received this calling on Valentine’s Day 2015. Since then, I’ve studied what a Mom should be. I had a false idea that a mom prayed for her family, she made cookies, she washed ball uniforms, she planned trips, she volunteered at school, she cooked and cleaned. I knew I was horrible at a lot of that, especially cooking and cleaning, but that’s what a mom did and so I could do those things.

Now there is “Mommyhood” in the trenches.

That kind of momming means praying for your family when you are totally and completely out of words, and wholly dependent on the Intercessor to interpret your groanings. I’ve had to learn that. “Mommyhood” in the trenches meant washing bedsheets instead of uniforms, it means trips to the doctor or hospital instead of the zoo and it means begging a child to eat a bite to avoid a feeding tube.
So why share this on Valentine’s Day? Well, because that Valentine’s Day has grown me into a person who understands that love is so much more than what we understand on the surface.

“You made me suffer a lot, but you will bring me back from this deep pit and give me new life. “– Psalm 71:20

Since we entered the trenches, I have fallen more in love with my husband than I could have ever imagined because he has never left me in the pit alone.

I have learned how much my son loves me and how much I truly love someone who most would say could never give me anything back. My Zach is an example of the purest kind of love and joy. Most importantly, I have truly learned God’s love. I know I will never fully understand His love, but Psalm 86:15 says, "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." During those nights that I stayed awake and stared, screamed and cried; even as I contemplated ending my life, I had a Savior watching over me. I had a steadfast, faithful, and loving Savior who never wavered. I encourage you, if you are doing “Mommyhood”, or “Wifehood”, or “Friendhood”, or even “Workhood” in the trenches, know a Savior is there waiting on you to call out to him.

2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”




Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

Guest Post with CeJe Thompson Hearn: Called to Mommyhood in the Trenches

The Messiest Kind of Love

Don't wait to be happy when the mess is cleaned up. When the kids are older. When your house is spic and span. When the bills are paid. When you get that promotion. When the test results come back. When the house is paid off. When they behave better. When they don't make so many messes. When they aren't so wild. When they aren't so challenging. When they start eating better. When you can afford it. When everything isn't so complicated. When you can finally get some sleep. When you're not so stressed out. When they're out of diapers. When you can go places again. When everything slows down. When the weekend gets here. When summer's here. When they're out of school. When they don't make you worry so much.

When you aren't so busy. 

Because their time is coming.
When they won't nestle in your neck and twirl your hair. When they won't grab you by the face and give you a cheesy grin. When they won't hold your hand anymore. When they won't need you to push them on the swing set. When they won't need that fifth bedtime story. When they won't need you to rock them to sleep. When they won't laugh at your jokes. When they won't be scared of the dark. When they won't look for you in the crowd and wave. When they won't climb into your lap. When they won't tell you everything. When they won't kiss you on the lips. When you can't pick them up anymore. When they won't ask you to kiss their boo boos.

When they're too busy. 

So go play, Mama. Get dirty. Dig in the dirt and breathe in. Feel the sunshine on your face. Catch the fireflies and stay in your pajamas all day. Whisper in his ear and show him how to blow bubbles in his chocolate milk. Spray her with the water hose and listen to her laugh. Sing songs with her at the top of your lungs and play dress up with her. Teach her to curtsy like a princess and teach him to open the door for ladies. Make cookies and get flour on your faces. Color and paint a funny picture with him and laugh your heads off. Tickle like crazy. Dive right into the chilly water. Lie on your backs and stare at the stars. Roll down the hill and get grass in your hair. Turn up the radio and dance in the kitchen. Pray and cry. Dunk your Oreos in your milk. Run in your bare feet. Get down in the grass and look at the bugs. Show him the mountains and the ocean. Scratch his back until he falls asleep, and play tea party with her while you can. This is joy. This is love. 

Forget the what if's and the unknown's. Forget the pressure of kindergarten, middle school, high school, driving, or college. Let go of your expectations. Pray and breathe. Forge bonds with your family and friends or rekindle the ones you once had. Ask for help when you need it. Really and truly love and be loved. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Forget the fear of not being enough or doing enough. Don't wait for tomorrow; be happy now for tomorrow is just a trick of the mind.

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. John 15: 9-12

"For My Babies"

You won’t always be little, so I must teach you
now.

You need me to lead you, to simply show you how.

My greatest desire for you is to love and make
friends.

Never forget to give, be kind, and truly make
amends.

Because time is always fleeting, never to
return.

And joy is a choice; respect has to be earned.

First comes the Lord, the ultimate foundation. 

He will keep your path straight and away from temptation. 

Next comes Family then church, friends, and community. 

Don't ever for a second forsake this irreplaceable unity. 

Hello, how are you, please and thank you

Yes ma'am and no sir are all important, too.

Be kind and honest; this is what matters, you
see.

Unlock your true happiness; grace is the key.

For remarkable beauty, plant a seed of hope

To truly change your life, to see the grand
scope.

Be the person you wish you had always been.

Be thankful God gives us grace; he pardons our
sin.

Live in the moment or the chaos will turn to sorrow. 

Life is too short-lived to dwell on your past and your tomorrow.
Walk in the light, little ones; be humble and strong.

Cling to the Lord, for he can do no wrong.

Life is too short to live in doubt and fear. 

Never cease to pray; always keep the Lord near.

Live a good life, and keep your mind on things from above.

And, dear ones, if you ever happen to forget, the answer

is always love.

Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

The Messiest Kind of Love

The Greatest Show on Earth

Sometimes the circus comes to town, and you just have to watch it. It's loud. It's crazy, and everything is really expensive. People are setting things on fire over here and caged animals are running through hoops over there. Everyone's singing at the tops of their lungs, walking on tight ropes, flipping, and dancing around while you cram animal crackers in your mouth. Over stimulated? That's an understatement. Frazzled? You know it. 

But it is mesmerizing. It's so beautiful it takes your breath away. And in a New York minute, it's over. The music, dancing, the childlike exuberance is gone. 

And one day our kids will be grown. And we will wish we could sit by the bathtub cramming animal crackers in our mouths one last time. 

Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

The Greatest Show on Earth

Our Souls Were Made to Crave: Guest Post with Lindsey Whitten Overton

               

               Are you as tired as I am? I mean, does your laundry pile have a bottom? Where do all of these plastic cups come from? I swear, our neighbors must be dropping off a few extras into my sink! Between trying to be a good wife, chasing after the kids’ activities, managing our household, going to church, working, remodeling a house, going back to school, and all of the other things I manage to get myself into I am EXHAUSTED!

                I did not used to feel this way. I have considered the possibility of, “I am just getting older…”, but let’s be honest, I am in my 30’s. I should still have the energy to do everything God has called me to. If Sarah can have a baby in her 90’s, surely, I can handle my little crew at 30, right?

                A friend recently said, “You seem like you have it together…how do you manage?” I wanted to crumble and cry and tell her the truth, which is I am scraping by; however, I mustered up a superficial answer that I can’t even remember. As the words came out of my mouth they were bitter and immediately regretted.

                What has happened to me…where did my joy go? What about my zest for pursuing God’s heart or following the Lord on crazy adventures? Where did the positive attitude go for serving my family?  Why has picking up after my husband become something that stirs up an attitude of resentment or anger? Where is this all coming from? Ladies, please tell me that I am not alone. I have to believe other moms must feel this overwhelmed feeling too.

I sat down to do my quiet time recently. As I opened my bible, I realized, wow…it has been weeks since I sat down to actually study. Not days, it has progressed to weeks. The Holy Spirit spoke so loudly to me that I looked around to see if anyone else could hear. The WORD…my soul was starving! I had neglected the one thing that I have built my life around. The one constant in my life, the source of strength, the power to face challenges, the hope for my future, the joy of my day…Jesus.

When we operate in our flesh, our physical, everyday lives, we are leaving Him out. Because I hadn’t found my place and I didn’t understand his plan for me in Alabama, I became frustrated, which led to bitterness, and ultimately left me feeling overwhelmed and empty.

Romans 8 teaches us that if we walk in the flesh, we think only on those things. If we open our eyes and walk in His spirit, we live and think in the spirit. Later it says that the spirit’s mind-set is life and peace, whereas the mind-set of the flesh is death. Here it is sweet sisters, the answer to why we are feeling overworked, overwhelmed, dissatisfied, etc. We have to connect ourselves to Jesus every single day. He is the source of a full life and a peace-filled heart.

Our souls were made to crave…what are we filling it with? As we walk into this new year, my soul is set on a new course. I am choosing life and peace. I don’t know about you but those feelings of “death’ are too much for me. I do not find any joy in that! I need and want more out of life. If you are looking for love, acceptance, encouragement, peace, hope, whatever your heart is craving, look in the Word of the Lord, the source of everything our souls could need. He is waiting patiently for you to come and sit at his feet. He longs to spend time with you today!

If you have questions, want to know more about walking with Jesus, or would like someone to pray with or encourage you, I would love to talk! My cell is 229-400-5810 or you can email me overtonlindsey@gmail.com .
Be blessed, dear sister. You are loved far beyond what you can imagine!

James 4:8 “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”

Share: facebook - twitter - pinterest

Our Souls Were Made to Crave: Guest Post with Lindsey Whitten Overton